Friday, May 14, 2010

Never a Wasted Tear?

I have heard before that there is never a wasted tear. I don't remember the conversation or the exact circumstances leading up to the conversation, but I remember enough...and it was too similar to my day today.

I am not really sure if I believed then that there were no wasted tears. From each one comes some realization - some profound, some simple - and with each tear the soul is cleansed a little. It sounded good. So I kind of hung on to it for a number of years. Maybe it is like a child clinging to their favorite blanket for comfort - no matter how old, tattered, or torn it might be.

I feel myself trying to cling to the comfort that I have not wasted literally hours today crying, that somewhere in there something wasn't wasted. But to be honest with you, I don't feel comforted, cleansed, or anything other than sad, wondering, lost. These are the times that I should really rely on God, but right now I cannot find it in myself to do so.

I am scared. I am terrified that no matter how much I want for something to be different, there is nothing that I can do. Life seems to be full of surprises, something at every turn. I have been, for the past 4 years, in a pretty good place. I found the strength that I needed to get out of and away from a lot of crap. I believe that I did not do that by myself or for myself - it was all God. And right now I am trying so hard not to blame Him for not doing the same for all who need it.

If you could, please take a minute and say a prayer for my brother and those in his life. He really needs to change his life before it is too late.
Thanks.

4 comments:

  1. Praying for you... and your brother.

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  2. I'll say a prayer for you and your brother as well.

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  3. i'm not sure what is going on, but i know how you feel. continue to talk to God about it, have faith and patience, and trust me, it will all work out for your best. God will see to it that it does.

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